A Kid's Mature Perspective on Dating in Elementary School
I was Just Sitting with my son yesterday when he said, “Barbara still has a crush on me.”
“Oh?!”
“Yeah. I don’t like it when people have crushes on me.”
“How come?”
“It’s just another friend to lose.”
When I asked him about this he said girls stop being your friend after you say no to dating them and he doesn’t like that. Only one girl has become his friend again after having a crush on him and it took two months!
I was really proud of what felt like a mature perspective for a 10 year old to hold.
I asked how he says no and he said, “No, but I’d like to be friends.”
We talked back and forth with ways he could respond that might not end up with him losing as many friends.
“Ask me again in a week.”
“I’m gay right now.”
“What does dating mean to you?”
“Tell her to come ask me herself!”
The last two were the ones that we thought might actually work. Not a single girl has done the asking herself so maybe they would be too scared to even do it.
He said one time he was asked he responded with, “What’s the difference between being friends and dating in elementary school?” He said the girl just ran away.
I asked him what the actual difference is and he said:
“Hi, I have a crush on you. Do you want to date?”
“Sure!”
Then he mimed walking around and said nothing is different.
“Kids that are dating don’t go makeout around the corner or something?” I asked.
“One time some kids made out and it was caught on camera and they lost recess privileges for a long time and they weren’t allowed to even speak to each other anymore.”
I’m really proud that he sees elementary school dating for what it is, just a label change, and says no thanks in the best way he can to keep a friend.
Summary for my kids:
Dating in elementary school doesn’t change anything for anyone. It’s probably largely about having new feelings and learning how to express them. Be as kind as you can and have fun!
