Grieving the Joy That Wasn’t

There’s this weight to my partner being away that I didn’t know about. When she’s gone, it’s up to me to witness the precious moments with the kids.

Lately, it’s been a lot of trampoline tricks, seeing our kids mature through difficulties with friends, falling in love with reading a book, or winning an award at school.

They happen every day, sometimes more than once. I miss a few. She misses a lot.

When she left, I understood that pain was only as deep as the joy we’d shared. But now, as I watch the moments she doesn’t get to see, it doesn’t have that balance. This grief doesn’t come from a joy I had and lost, it comes from a memory that could’ve been made, but wasn’t.

The kids still grow.

The moments still happen.

I love them.

She would have too.