Thoughts On Being an HSP and a People-Pleaser
My sister told me about this temperament trait called being a Highly Sensitive Person. That’s when someone’s nervous system responds more strongly to stimulation. She thought that she and I both had these traits and thought it could be helpful for me to know about it.
The core traits of HSPs are:
Depth of Processing: You think deeply about things, often reflecting (or ruminating) on conversations, decisions, and events long after they happen.
Overstimulation: You’re more easily overwhelmed by chaos, bright lights, loud or busy environments.
Empathy & Emotional Reactivity: You feel both your own emotions and others’ deeply. Movies, music, art, and stories can hit you hard.
Sensory Sensitivity: You notice subtle changes in someone’s tone or faint smells. You might be more sensitive to scratchy clothes, certain textures, or strong smells.
After hearing and reading about this, I felt like I understood myself more. Or maybe why I felt different than other people in certain ways. For example:
I had always noticed that others seemed to enjoy a foot massage for much longer than me. I loved the first 30-60 seconds of it, but after that I didn’t like it very much.
When someone would stroke my arm I would have to get them to stop because my skin would become overstimulated and tingly and numb.
Strong perfumes give me a headache.
I greatly prefer indirect lighting.
I can’t do ankle socks when it’s cold or leave my arm out of the covers at night.
Pain paired with gore in movies feels like I’m feeling a bit of it myself.
I feel like I have more awareness of the space and people around me.
Maybe I’m not such a picky asshole after all. My body just processes things differently.
But here’s where it gets tricky: sometimes the People-Pleaser in me notices a potential problem and assumes everyone else sees it too. So I jump in to fix it, only to realize no one noticed the issue or even felt it was a problem.
Being an HSP with a People-Pleaser streak can be a rough combo: Someone that picks up on micro-cues like shifts in tone, a hesitation, or body language. Someone that sees potential discomforts like lighting, the room being too hot, the vibes aren’t flowing. Then they process this deeply: Did I say something wrong? Is she upset? Do I need to fix it?
HSP: Hey, something’s wrong!
People-Pleaser: Perfect, it’s my job to make everything right!
I leave some interactions feeling tired and self-critical because I was doing emotional labor no one asked for or maybe even needed. I saw something, I cared, but acting on that every time wears me out.
I’m learning that I don’t need to shut down my sensitivity. I can stay present, observe, and respond only if it’s truly needed.
It’s ok for me to notice everything. It’s not my job to fix everything.
