The Cost of Being Myself
FUCK what you think.
My heart raced as I typed that realizing I was going to leave it. Let me explain why that was important for me, developmentally.
Life would be so much easier if the feeling of needing to fit in was optional. I understand, evolutionarily, why this “feature” is there; just wish I could turn it off sometimes (all the time?).
When I look at another artist’s work, see their big choices, their taste and style, and their story in their art, I love it for how unique it is. Why can’t I do something unique and cool like this?
When I put fingers to keyboard or hands to clay, my mind very often goes to, “What would others like?” I realize now that by asking that question I sent myself off in the completely wrong direction.
If I want to make something unique then there’s only one place to look for that: Me.
Fuck. That’s a lot of pressure. And fuck again, because people will see what’s on the inside if I let it out!
But! Letting it out has this hidden reward. I get to be known and seen.
Some will not like it. Those that do though, that’s where real connection happens. Acceptance, belonging, my people.
Turns out that being myself is way harder than I thought, and it’s worth it.
I’m sorry for cursing at you before. It was practice not caring what others think.
I didn’t expect to learn from Jeff Bezos, but the below letter he wrote to his shareholders helped clarify the above idea. I highly recommend you read it if you found this interesting at all.
