Trading Southern Charm for Something Deeper
Even as I type this I realize that the first few iterations didn’t include the song. I’m still wanting to avoid the vulnerability of liking something other people don’t like.
In Chris Williamson’s latest vlog, he used a part of Emergence by Sleep Token towards the end. It was right after talking about self-kindness so I wondered if I could use it as a reminder to be kind to myself so I listened to the whole song. It’s one of those songs that if you were to jump to 6 different times in the song it would sound like you’d changed the song altogether. It’s heavier rock than I normally listen to. I really like the feeling I get when listening to it.
I liked the song enough to share it with a friend. That’s a pretty high bar for me. His response has a lesson in it that I really want to learn.
He said, “ew…”
I have this part of me that would probably have a southern accent if he spoke out loud. Southern Charm could be a good name for him. He wants people to feel comfortable and liked. He’s fat with red cheeks and welcomes you in and fills you full of delicious food and trades stories back and forth.
It sounds nice, but there is the problem that it’s not genuine. When you leave he turns to his wife and says what he really thinks. It stems from thinking sacrificial love is the best kind of love.
When I would say something just to make someone feel more comfortable I was limiting the depth of the relationship. If it goes too deep they would eventually discover my true feelings on that subject and realize I was just being nice and, in reality, feel differently or even the opposite.
I can’t be connected with if the way I’ve shown people to connect with me is fake.
My friend didn’t just leave it at that though. He followed through with, “But then I listened to it a dozen more times, and can in fact confirm that I hate it.”
A lot of trust was built when I heard that. I don’t want to miss out on that so I’m going to practice saying to my Southern Charm part: “Thank you for trying to protect me from being disliked or anyone from feeling any discomfort. That is a risk, but the depth of connection I would feel would be worth it. Please step aside and let me be authentic.”
To be fair, my friend ended his response with, “But don’t let that sway your enjoyment of it.” And I haven’t. I’m listening to it again right now!
