My Light Wasn't Dim — It Was Different
A new friend at poetry night shared a poem by Mary Oliver titled The Buddha’s Last Instructions. His final words were “Make of yourself a light.”
My new friend asked us, if being a light meant service to the world, how do we shine?
I don’t volunteer often. I don’t have money to give away. I started to feel bad about my light looking like it was dim.
My answer was something along the lines of breaking generational cycles. Things that were passed to me, I’m going through the discomfort of breaking them. This didn’t feel like a satisfying answer to me.
The next morning I looked up the poem again and considered why he chose those words specifically.
“Make of yourself” implies that shaping and work must be done both by and to you.
“A Light” doesn’t force. It’s meant to bring clarity, warmth, and courage. Silently. Not through domination or victory.
I also think it’s interesting he didn’t say to shine light into the world. That would put the focus on performance or a result. Just turn inward. Focus on you and your light will naturally get brighter and shine farther into the world.
So how am I a light? After rethinking this I want to tweak my answer.
I kept asking questions when I was told not to. I got out of my comfort zone in the search for truth. I became willing to let go of old beliefs. I let go of this singular identity I had for myself and accepted that I will always be growing and changing.
Here’s what that light has built so far in our home:
My kids experience far less shame and far more acceptance and belonging.
When we get stuck, we seek outside advice from experts.
We validate each other’s feelings.
We set boundaries out of kindness.
We love learning.
We talk to each other.
We love adventure.
We eat dinner together.
We say I love you.
My light is bright enough if I’m nothing but stronger shoulders for my children to stand on.
But that’s not all I am.
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